My painting

I made a painting yesterday. The very first painting I've ever been happy about! It's a gift for my boyfriend (who is a helicopter pilot, which explains why I painted a helicopter..) along with another gift which I bought today. I'm really late, I know, but since we didn't celebrate Christmas together, and are celebrating New Year's together were exchanging gifts then. Here's the painting (and my very messy room):

This Charming Girl

For Christmas I got a lovely necklace from http://www.thischarminggirl.com/.

I love the necklaces from that site, and it's not that expensive! Most of the stuff is about 7-12 pounds, and the delivery is also not expensive at all. I'm actually thinking about buying one or two more necklaces. I really love jewellery..

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas! The day is finally here, and I'm having a great time! Right now I'm watching the three movies I watch every Christmas; Three nuts for Cinderella (Czech: Tri orísky pro Popelku), The journey to the Christmas star (Norwegian: Reisen til julestjernen), and the Disney show. It's on every Christmas at the same channel, and the same time.

Here's some photos of my room:

And the livingroom:

And here's the wonderful fairytale of New York!

Victoria's Secret

I really want these sleep wear thingies from Victoria's Secrets. They're so beautiful. Like art, almost..

Buddy Holly - Everyday

My new addiction:

Christmas and Fairytales

Four days ago I was a wreck. I felt terrible, and I just wanted to escape under ground, or something. Luckily I'm strong enough to survive those bad days, and just by writing about them I feel much better. I've had my last day at school this year, so now I can focus on Christmas and enjoying myself. The Christmas feeling I had has disappeared, so I'm going to try to get it back. I have one gift left, and it's for my boyfriend. I have never given a gift to a boy before, and I really have no clue, but I'll just have to try, I guess.. I'm going to visit him and his family on New Year's, so I'll bring the gift there.

I'm watching Big Fish right now, and I really love that movie. So magical! I love fairytales.. And I love Steve Buscemi! I think he's one of the greatest actors ever. After I've seen Big Fish I'm going to put on Phantom of the Opera on the dvd, and clean my room. It honestly looks like a bachelor pad, or something. I'm a 18 year old girl, so I should have a clean room, right?

I love this video:

Who Am I?

I'm the girl who's there for all the breakdowns.

I'm the girl who gets yelled at on my own and everyone else's behalf.

I'm the girl they unload everything on.

I'm the girl who gets blamed for everything.

I'm the girl who gets pushed further and further down each day.

I'm just so tired of being the person everyone dumps their shit on! I really don't know how much more I can take. My mom just had another breakdown, and she started crying. She yelled at me, for not doing enough in the house, she yelled at me because my sister don't do enough in the house, and she yelled at me because my sister never cleans up any of the mess she creates in the kitchen and living room. She yelled at me because my sisters hardly visits our grandmother, she yelled at me for the washingmachine being broken for the last week, she yelled at me for not being a mindreader who knows what she want's each second of the day, and she yelled at me because she has to ask everyone to do things for her. I know she can't do everything alone because of her heart, but why does she think I can do everything? Why does everyone think I can do everything? Everything that is work and boring.

On the other side you have the mother who told her daughter that she couldn't start playing an instrument at the age 13. I was too old, she said. She has compared me to the drug addicts in our family, she has made it clear that she doesn't think I'll grow up to be anything, and still she expect me to have superpowers. I'm just so sick of everything!

I have the house, everyones feelings, school, exams, gifts, keeping contact with everyone, doing things for everyone, helping, finding a job, money problems, keeping healthy, not getting depressed and so much more to think about. I'm so tired. And sad.

I want to leave. I want to go somewhere nobody knows me. Start over again. I can't do this anymore! No matter how hard I try it's never good enough. I'm never good enough! I don't visit people enough, I don't work hard enough at school, I don't work hard enough at home, and I don't even have a job.

I think I'm going crazy. That would be a relief actually, because then nobody would rely on me to do everything. Anything. I could just walk around in the room with the soft walls and not worry about a thing. Everyone would walk on eggshells around me for a change.

I'm just so tired of crying alone in my room. I'm tired of being looked upon as lazy when the only thing I think about is how to make the world better for people.

I'm just tired.

The three P's

The Prom

I was at a Christmas prom yesterday. It wasn't really the best thing I've gone to, but it was good seeing my old classmates, meeting new people and just being out. And it was really fun getting dressed up, doing my hair and make-up, and trying on my new shoes. They didn't even hurt my feet! They've never been used before, I've never (well, almost never) worn heels, and I didn't even practice using them before I went out! I was really lucky. I saw that many of the girls walked around without their shoes on, and a lot of shoes was lying around without their owner. I would never leave my shoes alone in a room full of drunk teenagers. I'm not surprised if some of them went home shoeless..

The Presents

I'm not even nearly finished with the gifts. I don't know what people like, and want, so I don't know what to get them. I always say it, but this time I really mean it; Next year I'm starting early with the Christmas shopping! Like january-sale-early. I don't want to be as stessed next year as I am this year. I almost feel like I'm missing out on all the fun Christmas stuff..

Mom

Dad

Grandparents

Grandmother

Dadda

Martine

Knut

The Plan

The plan for today is:

-Cleaning my room

-Decorate a little more

-Go shopping for gifts

-Write letters, draw, and do other hobby-things

-Find pictures for a photoalbum

Thoughts about the future

It's freezing today. I barely managed to walk to school today, because most of the ground were covered with ice. I'll have to start my day earlier tomorrow.. And I'm going to the gym for the very first time! I'm actually going to work out! With people! I'm scared and looking forward to it at the same time.

I've been thinking of next year, and what I would like to use it for. If I pass my exams, and get a job, I would like to move somewhere, live on my own, and go to a new school. I want to be on my own. Does it sound selfish to say that I'd like to have only myself to think about? I don't want to move too far though, because I would miss my family too much. I would like to be able to take the train home whenever I want. I love taking the train.. I just have to find out where they have the classes I'm taking.

I've also thought about my new year resolutions:

-Pass my exams!

-Work out.

-Get a job.

-Get good grades.

-Be social.

-Think positive.

-Eat healthy.

-Be open for new things.

Do you have any resolutions?

What's your plan for next year?

Where do you work?

I want a job. No, I need a job. I really, really, really need a job. Not only have I been broke for the last five months, but I also owe my little sister a lot of money. Well, it's only about 145 dollars, but for me that's a lot. Right now the only way for me to get money is to beg one of my parents to borrow some, and that's pathetic. I'm 18 years old for goodness sake!

I think I'm going to apply for almost every job I can find (I'm desperate, ok?), but I also want to think smart when I'm applying.

-Benefits. (If I work in a clothes store I'll get discounts, if I work in the kiosk on the mountain Fløien I'll get free exercise every day, etc.)

-Experience. (If I get a job where I can use my english, I can write that on my CV, etc.)

-Joyfulness. (If the work is fun, I'll be happy.)

-Time. (I need a job where they need me to work a lot. If I get few shifts I'll have to find two jobs, and I don't really want that.. )

-Interest. (I want a job that goes with my interests. That's not hard to find, because I'm interested in a lot.)

Now I'm going to search around on the internet, and see if I find anything interesting..

The Boy In The Striped Pyjamas

I love the trailer for this movie! I'm definitely going to see it.

Me, myself & I.

I just wanted to post two pictures my wonderful sister shot of me the last time I visited her:

Today I'm going shopping with one of my friends. Well, actually she's shopping, I'm just walking through the shops with her. We're going to a christmas prom (juleball, in norwegian), and she needs a dress. I have to stop by my sister with a dress first, so I actually have to start getting ready now..

It's Britney, bitch!

I'm watching Britney, for the record right now, and I must say that I really love that girl! The music is ok, I guess, but Britney is such a wonderful girl. The way she talks, work and live through everything she has to live though.. It's a puzzle to me.. I could never live her life.

I remember when I was eight or nine years old, and how everyone loved hit me baby one more time. How all the kids made up dances to the song, collected posters, and talked about her at school. She was, and still is such an icon. Maybe not the best rolemodel, but she the way I see it she's just a girl. Everyone make mistakes, she's just forced to make them in front of the whole world..

"On stage I'm the happiest person in the world." - Britney Spears

Mercredi

So today I've had french for a couple of hours, but then my teacher got sick and went home, and now I'm sitting here all alone. I'm actually just waiting for the clock to turn 14.10, because then I'm going to the gym with some of the people who teach/learn here. I've never been to the gym before, and I'm just checking it out today. They go every wednesday, and I'm thinking about joining them.. It's free and everything! But we'll see..

It's a nice and freezing day, and I think it's about -1 degrees outside. In Norway we count degrees in celsius.. I'm probably going to take some pictures after the gym. I feel really great, and I'm in a I-wanna-do-something-new/special-mood. I don't have those moods very often, so I'm really going to take advantage of it today. I'm going to draw, take pictures, go to the gym, clean my room, organize things that needs to be organized (christmas-stuff), etc.

I don't know how much blogging I can do from now on, because my laptop charger is broken. Well, it's almost broken. I think one of my dust bunnies must have chewed on it, or something.. It's annoying because I haven't had it that long. The earplugs to my iPod is also broken. The music comes out, but it cuts my ear everytime i put it in.. Also annoying. Luckily Christmas is just around the corner, so the problems will hopefully not last long.

Hope you have/had a great day!:)

frosk.org

Today my little sister and I has been at my older sisters appartment. We've been spending almost all day picking out photos for a photoalbum we're giving our grandparents for Christmas. It's going to be great! There's photos from our lake cabin from the 70's until today. I really think they're going to love it. We ate tacos and tortillas, and then we went to a little art gallery. My sister knows one of the artists. My little sister won four little pictures (she could choose the ones she wanted), and she gave one to me, and one to my older sister.

This is the one i picked out:

The link to her site is http://frosk.org/

1. December

Listen to 'Believe' by Josh Groban.