Finally an update

Ok, so it has been ages since the last time I wrote anything here. I don't really have any excuses. Not much has happened though.. I have managed to contact some of the people I used to hang with, so my social life has improved a bit. I had a little photoshoot with my older sister, and here are some of the photos:

Back to normal

Happy New Year, guys! I'm sorry for not posting anything in a while, but I haven't really had anything to say. Now that the world is back to "normal", and my rutines are back, it's time to start doing things again. One of them being writing in my blog.

I've decided to make 2009 a busy year. I'm not going to watch as much tv, or sit as much in front of the computer, but I'll read books, study for my exams, go for walks, visit friends, make art, take pictures, help people with stuff they need help to do, and so on. I'll definitely not be bored! I have to clean my room now..

My painting

I made a painting yesterday. The very first painting I've ever been happy about! It's a gift for my boyfriend (who is a helicopter pilot, which explains why I painted a helicopter..) along with another gift which I bought today. I'm really late, I know, but since we didn't celebrate Christmas together, and are celebrating New Year's together were exchanging gifts then. Here's the painting (and my very messy room):

This Charming Girl

For Christmas I got a lovely necklace from http://www.thischarminggirl.com/.

I love the necklaces from that site, and it's not that expensive! Most of the stuff is about 7-12 pounds, and the delivery is also not expensive at all. I'm actually thinking about buying one or two more necklaces. I really love jewellery..

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas! The day is finally here, and I'm having a great time! Right now I'm watching the three movies I watch every Christmas; Three nuts for Cinderella (Czech: Tri orísky pro Popelku), The journey to the Christmas star (Norwegian: Reisen til julestjernen), and the Disney show. It's on every Christmas at the same channel, and the same time.

Here's some photos of my room:

And the livingroom:

And here's the wonderful fairytale of New York!

Victoria's Secret

I really want these sleep wear thingies from Victoria's Secrets. They're so beautiful. Like art, almost..

Buddy Holly - Everyday

My new addiction:

Christmas and Fairytales

Four days ago I was a wreck. I felt terrible, and I just wanted to escape under ground, or something. Luckily I'm strong enough to survive those bad days, and just by writing about them I feel much better. I've had my last day at school this year, so now I can focus on Christmas and enjoying myself. The Christmas feeling I had has disappeared, so I'm going to try to get it back. I have one gift left, and it's for my boyfriend. I have never given a gift to a boy before, and I really have no clue, but I'll just have to try, I guess.. I'm going to visit him and his family on New Year's, so I'll bring the gift there.

I'm watching Big Fish right now, and I really love that movie. So magical! I love fairytales.. And I love Steve Buscemi! I think he's one of the greatest actors ever. After I've seen Big Fish I'm going to put on Phantom of the Opera on the dvd, and clean my room. It honestly looks like a bachelor pad, or something. I'm a 18 year old girl, so I should have a clean room, right?

I love this video:

Who Am I?

I'm the girl who's there for all the breakdowns.

I'm the girl who gets yelled at on my own and everyone else's behalf.

I'm the girl they unload everything on.

I'm the girl who gets blamed for everything.

I'm the girl who gets pushed further and further down each day.

I'm just so tired of being the person everyone dumps their shit on! I really don't know how much more I can take. My mom just had another breakdown, and she started crying. She yelled at me, for not doing enough in the house, she yelled at me because my sister don't do enough in the house, and she yelled at me because my sister never cleans up any of the mess she creates in the kitchen and living room. She yelled at me because my sisters hardly visits our grandmother, she yelled at me for the washingmachine being broken for the last week, she yelled at me for not being a mindreader who knows what she want's each second of the day, and she yelled at me because she has to ask everyone to do things for her. I know she can't do everything alone because of her heart, but why does she think I can do everything? Why does everyone think I can do everything? Everything that is work and boring.

On the other side you have the mother who told her daughter that she couldn't start playing an instrument at the age 13. I was too old, she said. She has compared me to the drug addicts in our family, she has made it clear that she doesn't think I'll grow up to be anything, and still she expect me to have superpowers. I'm just so sick of everything!

I have the house, everyones feelings, school, exams, gifts, keeping contact with everyone, doing things for everyone, helping, finding a job, money problems, keeping healthy, not getting depressed and so much more to think about. I'm so tired. And sad.

I want to leave. I want to go somewhere nobody knows me. Start over again. I can't do this anymore! No matter how hard I try it's never good enough. I'm never good enough! I don't visit people enough, I don't work hard enough at school, I don't work hard enough at home, and I don't even have a job.

I think I'm going crazy. That would be a relief actually, because then nobody would rely on me to do everything. Anything. I could just walk around in the room with the soft walls and not worry about a thing. Everyone would walk on eggshells around me for a change.

I'm just so tired of crying alone in my room. I'm tired of being looked upon as lazy when the only thing I think about is how to make the world better for people.

I'm just tired.

The three P's

The Prom

I was at a Christmas prom yesterday. It wasn't really the best thing I've gone to, but it was good seeing my old classmates, meeting new people and just being out. And it was really fun getting dressed up, doing my hair and make-up, and trying on my new shoes. They didn't even hurt my feet! They've never been used before, I've never (well, almost never) worn heels, and I didn't even practice using them before I went out! I was really lucky. I saw that many of the girls walked around without their shoes on, and a lot of shoes was lying around without their owner. I would never leave my shoes alone in a room full of drunk teenagers. I'm not surprised if some of them went home shoeless..

The Presents

I'm not even nearly finished with the gifts. I don't know what people like, and want, so I don't know what to get them. I always say it, but this time I really mean it; Next year I'm starting early with the Christmas shopping! Like january-sale-early. I don't want to be as stessed next year as I am this year. I almost feel like I'm missing out on all the fun Christmas stuff..

Mom

Dad

Grandparents

Grandmother

Dadda

Martine

Knut

The Plan

The plan for today is:

-Cleaning my room

-Decorate a little more

-Go shopping for gifts

-Write letters, draw, and do other hobby-things

-Find pictures for a photoalbum